Final Reflection

Reflections are fascinating.  They are not real but they embody the essence of the item.  We reflect on the past, what is already gone.  We reflect upon the future, what is yet to be.  The present exists for just a moment and then it is gone.  What we see may not be real, much like a mirage; it may be with us forever, as a shadow; or it may be a dream, that is nurtured in our hearts.  What reflections do we choose to dwell upon?

What is past has shaped us.  Our writing is not as it was when we started.  We learn from our mistakes, if we choose.  We dwell on the choices we have in front of us.  We deliberate more than we did.  We have learned to be aware of our audience.  Who do we want to read our writings?  What will they think of our writings?  Will they understand, appreciate, learn?  We have learned to be conscious of our words; the tone, the expression, the depth.  Do we adequately convey the meaning that we striving for?  The words on the page are not just there to be seen, but to share a message of some kind.  In the past we may not have been cognizant of the impact of our words on others, but the past has now slipped away.

The present is upon us now.  We write to fulfill requirements.  We strive to impress our professors.  We catalog facts and figures that others tell us are important.  As our shadow moves about us, from back to front, our writing changes to suit the need.

The future lies ahead.  What do we want our writing to be?  Is our writing for personal use alone or do we want to impact the world?  Will it be powerful enough to reach those who can enact change?  Or will it be quiet enough to bring solace to someone needing to find peace?  Our fulfillment as a writer lies in the expression of our thoughts.  Our words can be skilled as a talented craftsman's work, or rudimentary as a picketer’s sign.  We are the ones who will choose what our words will become.  Our thoughts, beliefs, hopes, and fears will all find release through the words we choose to write.  We choose our future.

Reflections are changeable.  Past, present, future run together.  What we thought we knew is no longer true.  What we will know hasn’t come to fruition yet.  We must write.  History lives in the written word.  Dreams come alive if given a voice in writing.  Our choice is what we do with what we have.  We make our reflections out of our own perspectives and imaginations. 

I hope to make my future reflections better than I have ever dreamed in the past.

Scuba Lessons...

You, dear reader, most likely think this blog entry should be about the wonderful world of scuba lessons and all the interesting things you can learn from Time and Depth Charts and the dangers of nitrogen narcosis and decompression sickness...

But guess what... it's not!

You should know me better than that...

No... my scuba lessons are the stuff you didn't know you needed to know, the *really* important stuff...

Like...

animal crackers make friends... everybody will want them and they'll all revert back to being 5 year olds.  I've never seen so much excitement about animal crackers.

pick your buddy well... if they don't turn your air back on for your after turning it off for the lesson, you probably don't want to keep them around for the long haul of the class.

while rain and scuba mix, thunderstorms and scuba don't... thunder doesn't sound like dump trucks, you're gonna get a little freaked laying in the middle of the lake listening to the thunder and watching lighting overhead.  Shore is a nice place to be...

panic happens... just breathe deep and watch the bubbles.  Bubbles make everything better.  And just remember, you're not the only one who panics.

if you play paper, rock, scissors underwater with your buddy while you're waiting for other people to finish stuff... don't laugh when you win.  If you laugh, water seeps in your mask and then you have to clear it... again... for the zillionth time.

if you know you're gonna have to put your wetsuit back on later to get back in the water... don't take it off to begin with.  Really.  Seriously.  Don't.  It's way too hard to put back on and you'll only be that much colder.

failure is an option... it's not the best option, but it is an option, because it just means you can come back another day to finish it up... though is it really failure?  or just conceding defeat for a day?

being able to take scuba in order to share a class situation with your son is a priceless opportunity... driving back and forth to the lake with him sleeping in the seat next to me... having him tell me I didn't do too badly and I almost got it and I'll get it next time, is really nice praise... spending time with him before he leaves for the Marine Corps is time that I will cherish for life...

scuba's fun... you should all try it... just not during a thunderstorm

I Don't Wanna Be Like the Others...

In doing this blog project for class, I struggled through the first three entries of how to actually have reason to link to another blog.  I don't really like to link to things unless it's relevant.  And for the first few entries I did, it wasn't relevant to what I was writing about.

But in the spirit of the assignment, I decided that I'd put in another entry that covered something relevant just so I could link to similar blogs.

During our review in class of other blogs about our semester-long theme, I stumbled across three different blogs having to do with being a non-traditional student.  Let's just say, I wasn't completely impressed by a couple of them.

To me, a blog should be a personal form of communication to others, not just a non-personal method of sharing information.  It's a little overwhelming and disconcerting to be faced with something like this.  As soon as I saw it, I was overwhelmed with its busy-ness, there was just too much there.  I didn't want to get dragged in never to escape.  So I never started.  I know I should, I am certain there's quite a lot of good information there, but it just intimidates me with how full the page looks.

Then there's the attempt at being personal but it seems more of a personal at arms length and I'll share just enough to say that I shared.  Being at arms length is better than nothing, but it still just left me feeling a little empty, there definitely wasn't a connection, I didn't feel any camaraderie with the author.

I got a little frustrated in my search until I found this little gem.  I liked this blog immensely.  I'm even thinking of contacting the author just to make a connection with her.  I feel like we might get along.  She is honest and open in her writing about being back in school, not just about the facts and figures, but about the feelings and angst.  I appreciate that.

I guess, in writing my blog, in continuing to blog, I don't just want to fit in to a pre-ordained space that someone else has decided is right for me.  Because honestly, my life right now could never fit into a pre-ordained space.  No one could have decided that this should be my life.  Well, except for the one who figured it out to begin with.  He knew I'd be here.

I've never quite been like the others... so why start now?

My blog will be me!  Quirky, silly, serious, fun, stupid, with a bit of angst and wisdom thrown in for good measure.  Welcome to my world...   

The Big Event

So... today was The Big Event...

For those who don't know, The Big Event is one of Texas A&M's biggest and most well known traditions.  From six students cleaning a cemetery 32 years ago to over 20,000 students serving the community of Bryan/College Station, and as of today even serving worldwide in Germany, Spain, Italy, and Pakistan.  The Big Event has come a long way...

I debated for quite a while whether to actually sign up to work or not.  It's a complicated mind game I play every so often.  I love being a student again... but then again, I'm almost 50... and all these other students are young and they've got their life in front of them... and I'm not so young and I've already lived most of my life... and these students are still learning to be leaders and get involved... and I've already had those opportunities, whether or not I took them... 

But I did it, I signed up... and I got up... 

I love to come up with word pictures for my thoughts and feelings.  It's something I tried to start learning to do many years ago and I find that it sometimes will help even me understand exactly what it is I'm feeling... 

So as I park this morning, and get out of the car, and look at the masses of Aggie student humanity surrounding me... as I listen to the excited calls of one friend to another across the parking lots... as I hear the laughter of the groups of friends... I feel alone, and out of place...  

I started trying to come up with a word picture... first thing that popped in my mind was an old cucumber (I cleaned out the refrigerator yesterday) but that didn't really work... then it hit me... I feel like a spotted banana... one of those that has gotten just a little bit squishy because it's been sitting there getting a little too ripe... and all around it in the bowl are these bright yellow firm bananas and these slightly green almost ripe bananas... it actually works well as a good word picture for me because the older the banana, the sweeter they are; and in some literature I've read recently, the older the banana, the better they are for you... yeah... that's me... extra sweet and good for you... 

But, I digress... back to The Big Event...

Do you know how hard it is to find someone you don't know, have never met, don't know what they look like, in a crowd of 20,000?  There were a couple of moments I felt like backing out, going home, calling it quits, that no one would miss me... but I didn't... I waited, and I looked, and I'm so glad that I did... 

Turns out my group leader went to my high school!  What a small world!  And yeah, even though I am old enough to be their mother, they all welcomed me, talked to me, took me in for the day... I became an honorary member of Pi Phi Sorority for the day... and we worked our tails off... and I listened to them laugh, talk about all the little stuff that goes on in their lives, and I smiled... 

I am different from them, but only because I'm an older version... and it's okay to feel a little out of place because it means whatever I'm doing is taking me out of my comfort zone and making me stretch my boundaries and learn new things... 

So today for The Big Event... I showed up... I did it... and I made a couple of new friends, I had lots of fun, I was impressed by the next generation... 

So what sort of thing are you wrestling with because you know it will feel uncomfortable?  it will take you out of your comfort zone?  it will stretch you? Well guess what... just do it!  Because it just might be something big that you'll miss if you don't... 

photo courtesy of author

If you're interested in finding out more about The Big Event, go check it out... 
The Big Event on Facebook

Ancient History... or so it seems...

Ancient History... is really a matter of perspective... 

Sure, there's the dictionary definition, but all the more often we tend to use our own perspective as our working definition... and sometimes ancient history can be as recent as only a few years...

It's funny that younger students think "this is how it's always been" and I think "when the heck did they start doing this?"... so I figured a retrospective might be in order...

photo courtesy of:
www.aggiecampusology.com

When I started at Texas A&M...


Bonfire was held on Duncan Field behind the Quad and it always burned the week of Thanksgiving for the t.u. game... during the Fall Semester you could sign up for Bonfire Buddies and exchange small gifts with your buddy up until the t.u. game

West Campus consisted of green pastures grazed by Aggie cows which produced some fine milk which went into Aggie ice cream which could be bought at the creamery in front of the Commons

The best place to get a burger was The Cowhop, and you ordered a Cow Pie and Fries... best hole in the wall place to eat... ever

Cars could actually drive through campus... all the way through

There were no parking garages on campus, and if you weren't an upperclassman you parked in the surface lots across the railroad tracks... and buses didn't go there

Blinn, in Bryan, did not exist, and there was no feeder school for A&M... there was no automatic admission for the top 10%... and I got into A&M with a 1000 SAT score

No one... absolutely no one... ever put pennies on Sully's boots in order to gain favor before tests

There was an actual 12th Man Kickoff Return Team during football games thanks to Coach Jackie Sherrill

There was no Rec Center, the outside swimming pool was right next to Kyle Field, and the north end of Kyle Field only had one deck

Everyone walking across campus would look at other people, and carry on conversations, because there were no earbuds, because there were no ipods

There were no cell phones... so when you walked into class people actually talked to each other because there was no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram to check and there was no one to text since texting didn't exist yet

  photo courtesy of:
www.aggiecampusology.com

Reveille IV retired and Reveille V was installed 

To have cash for a Friday night date you would cash a check at the front desk of the hotel in the MSC... ATMs were new technology and locations were rare

You could have a TV in your dorm room, but there were no DVD players in existence, VCRs were brand new technology and very rare to find

Microwaves were banned in the dorm room as well as every other kind of cooking device... you might cook hot dogs in your coffee maker and make a grilled cheese sandwich with your iron though if you were desperate

Ancient History... is really a matter of perspective... 

The current students are forming their own version of Ancient History... in a few years they'll come back and they will begin to say "back in my day"... and someday they'll tell their own kids the stories, and their own kids won't believe them, because their own kids don't understand Ancient History yet... they don't have the perspective... 

There's a First Time for Everything...

Firsts are never easy...

your first step... 

your first day of school...

your first crush...

your first car...

your first day of college...

your second first day of college...

your first blog...

... and they're often filled with uncertainty, insecurities, fears  

But most of the time the things you're dreading most about the firsts you're fixing to experience just don't happen.  While it might not always turn out as wonderful as you were delusionally dreaming it to be, it rarely turns out to be your worst-case-scenario.

So here I am with my first blog.  Even though several of my friends have encouraged me to start one before and even though it seems like it could be fun, I've never done it, until now.  But now I'm required to.  

And I have no idea what to write about for this first one.

You know that old technique that everyone always says about envisioning your audience in their underwear when you have to make a speech so that you'll feel more comfortable?  Well right now I feel like I'm the one in my underwear.  

I have nothing profound to say at the moment.  I have no words of wisdom.  I have no great revelations.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  

But sometimes I guess that's part of the importance of firsts.  Just the fact that you get it done.  That you jump in with both feet, damn the consequences, and do it.  Firsts will happen to all us, they happen every day.  Some firsts are big, some are small, some are monumental, most are inconsequential.  But we do them, because we have to, because we want to, because they need to happen.

I sort of wanted my first post to be one of those monumental firsts.  Something profound and brilliant.  Something to make everyone go "ooooh, she's really something".  But this first seems to be one of those inconsequential firsts, those things that just happen because they need to.  And really, that's okay, because that's life, and life happens, and continues to happen, and firsts happen all along the way, every day, in every way.

Being back in school at this stage in my life isn't a first I ever expected to happen, but it's one of those times in life that you actually get to live one of those delusional dreams you've had.  It's a first, even if it's a second first.

...but there's a first time for everything, and every time is a perfect time for a first...